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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Golden Topaz Dreams

A golden topaz dream. Precious. I was living in the M_____ house. G___ and I fornicate almost every day. For me this is very difficult to live with. I eat his food in the morning, sit at his table at night, sleep beneath his roof. Often, just before I doze off, G___ comes running upstairs in her nightgown. She pulls it up and straddles me lying in bed, and encourages me to go ahead. R____ must be in the shower. The situation is desperate.

Still in the dream, one morning I find him listening attentively to my complaints about money. The next day amongst my things I find a package of new one-hundred dollar bills. There are more than a thousand of them. There is no note, but the message is clear. Let me have my wife back. There is something tragic about this. I sense his love, but also his dependence on her. How had he raised this sum. Recently all his theaters were foreclosed by the banks. The sight of this cash fills me with an overwhelming sense of guilt. It stains the delicate fantasy that G___ and I have created.

I awake, bathed in sweat.

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Another dream, red fighting clocks.

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A dream of a conversation with a sea-captain. Thrown into the oceans after his ship went down, nearly eaten by a butcher whale (I know what a butcher shark is but what is a 'butcher whale'?). H was saved by the butcher whale baby, which tried to swallow him whole, but couldn't, instead he got his wrist caught in the corner of its gaping mouth. He said, "And all the Jaws were there waiting their turn," meaning sharks. I don't remember how he got out of the water that day, but he did.

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