Yoga

Take your pain,

Bring it to your heart

And burn it . . like fuel. 

Watch it light up your third eye. 

Take all your pains 

Get them to the center of what you are,

And meditate,

So it becomes a white light,

That illuminates the world.

Take each pain,

And move it from the hands,

From the pit of gut, out the memory, the book of hurts,

The slashes of loves lost,

The burns of friendships that were false,

Take them all

Heap them in a pile

And burn them.

In your heart.

What Happened

What happened to the revolution . . . did it die?
No it did not die . . . it lives and it is waiting.
What is it waiting for, if it lives? . . .
 . . . It is waiting for you.

What happened to your greed . . . did it die?
No it did not die . . . It became too much and fell down,
But it lives in pieces,
. . .  at the foot of the mountain.

What happened to my happiness . . . did it die?
No it did not die . . . It simply got lost, and you forgot where it was,
But it lives in a place . . .
 . . . were you can find it again.

What happened to your sadness . . . did it end?
No it did not end . . . it became a loving companion
Left you for someone else . . .
 . . . It was so sure you would miss it.


What happened to my hunger? . . . did it stop?
No it did not stop. It is with me now.
But I trust it . .
 . . . it tells me the truth.

To KLT

Wanting to understand a relationship is the beginning of self-understanding, and more importantly of understanding the Self, a consciousness that is vast, and includes all beings.

The beginning while good news, it is the most painful first step of any journey.

You have lots of time to achieve self-knowledge . . work on it.

You aren't alone . . . this is a big realization . . . you act as if you are on stage all the time because you sense other presences . . .

This is good.

Just as an eagle sees the little birds and little creatures, the little creatures do not necessarily see it. You are developing the eye above yourself. The watcher.

We see friends, lovers, family etc. as equals and other beings as lessors . . . when in reality a dog and a butterfly are equally complex and complete. One might argue a mosquito is more complete than an equally weighted piece of your finger or your brain. Comparisons here are odious.

So we have this pyramid . . but it's not a pyramid, it just seems like one,  of what we see . . below us . . . and around us . . . but what watches us? . . . For this we come to constructs like God . . . . . but could it be that other higher life forms actually watch us as carefully as say we watch a loyal pet?

It's a question we don't have to answer, if we merely accept that this is a universe of giant beings and minuscule small ones . . and that we, whether we are a God or a mosquito are always surrounded by beings more and less powerful . . and the more powerful beings are harder to see . . but easier to sense.

We feel the ocean because it is larger than us . . we understand it best when we are in the middle of it . . So it is with other intelligences.

In some way you are being spooked by a sensation of being still in a giant universe. It's spooky up there when you look at the stars. It's dark, hot, freezing. . . and yet here we are . . here you are . . a miracle.

That is one dimension of what you are feeling . . .

The Puranas tell the story of Vishnu, the most-powerful all embracing incarnation, visiting Indra, the King of Gods, also powerful, but a bit of a head case with a swollen sense of self-worth. I quote Wikipedia:

"Vishnu praises Indra's palace, casually adding that no former Indra had succeeded in building such a palace. At first, Indra is amused by the Brahman boy's claim to know of former Indras. But the amusement turns to horror as the boy tells about Indra's ancestors, about the great cycles of creation and destruction, and even about the infinite number of worlds scattered through the void, each with its own Indra. The boy claims to have seen them all. During the boy's speech, a procession of ants had entered the hall. The boy saw the ants and laughed. Finally humbled, Indra asks the boy why he laughed. The boy reveals that the ants are all former Indras." [fr. Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indra ]

The other dimension is a sudden growing of awareness of the truths of your own life.

We live in upon the stage of our own creation, acting out the lines of a play that we ourselves have written, in a production we have cast and directed . . .

 . . . so that, we may sit back as the audience to our own show, and reflect upon it, and hopefully, understand it !

We're all drama kings and queens. Rebirth means letting go of the dramas, allowing them to happen on that stage, instead of acting in them ourselves.

We do this so that we can keep control of our lives . . . some aspects of your life are very predictable . . same with mine . . if it weren't so we'd go crazy. I know if I get up in the morning and have coffee and sit at the computer I'll most likely write something. . whether a poem or a message or a piece of an idea . . . like I am writing to you now . .

But other aspects of our play shoot off in unpredictable directions. . . so as directors of our own life we want to get control of that, so it doesn't blindside us with pain and misery. . . .

So part of your feeling 'accompanied' . . . as if you are talking to another being is that you are becoming aware of another growing part of yourself.

This is good because to be complete we cannot exist just on one level. If we are a tool for working the stuff of life, then we can't be all blade and no handle . . we cannot be just wheels and no chassis . . . or sky with no earth. . . we must exist on multiple levels and each of those levels has a consciousness that goes with it. So when another level develops suddenly, it feels like someone else has entered the room. The consciousness that developed came from somewhere . . from the pool of where all consciousness comes from. That is the Self.

We are often rivers that have become suspicious of the water of another river that joins us, when that which joins us is that which we have been part of all along.

Now about another dimension . . the dimension of the heart. I've been talking to the head for the past two pages . . . the heart is the base . . is the sensitive being . . the part of us that can't spell. . that hates having to learn. . that wants to be wild and childlike and loving. . and is frightened by straight lines . . and complex languages . ..

I feel and see your heart at work . . you are a loving flame amidst many cold gusts . . . and this makes you feel depleted . .

So you appreciate the goodness of W_____ from afar . . because you feel so alone even though you are with him . .

This loneliness comes from being a supplier of heart energy. The secret to recovering your happiness amidst such demands is to learn how to replenish yourself . . how to treat yourself right . . who to be calmed by . . who to be protected by. One who supports and protects so many as you must also be supported and protected. Don't be ashamed to look for that in your relationships . . . it's not a sign of cowardice or fear . .

We all need that. This leads yoga indirectly into a study of tantra. Whereas yoga is direction of energy, tantra is the releasing of it. . . into directions up, down, sideways, releasing and receiving both.

Think of my tone right now . . I'm simply relating the lay of the land of life as best as I can from the vantage point that I have, to someone who is younger and going through much the same traumas that I went through.

But even I must collapse and be reduced to tears sometime and with who? Tantra says 'From everyone . . ." for ultimately with Tantra it is divine love focused through the chakras of the spine receiving and releasing into all dimensions.

Practice loving and you will be loved. Practice reassuring and you will be reassured. Practice making other people feel less lonely and you will be less lonely.

Finding the Teacher Within

Were you tired, did you lose concentration, were you dizzy?

Knowing you had problems confirms this - you do need to start studying yoga.

I want to emphasize that you suggested it, not me. In yoga this voice is called 'The Teacher Within". We all have that teacher inside us. A good class will teach you to bow to the teacher within. That teacher is everywhere; from it one can learn anything. As long as you agree that the teacher within you is your master, I can serve as a guide.

Now I'd like to say I'd have been extremely surprised if you said you counted your breath for four hours with any degree of success. That was an extremely difficult assignment, but I meant to gauge your level of fitness and concentration by your reaction. A kind of test. There's no pass or fail in such a test. It just saved us a lot of time! And you yourself proposed the next course of action. Top marks.

You will have to work to try and find a good yoga teacher. It may not be easy.

You want a yoga class that emphasizes the breath, and correct alignment, and posture. I cannot emphasize these two things enough. Unless there is careful attention to alignment, you could waste years of work. Such a beginner's class may seem ridiculously easy, and there may seem like too much talk about how to hold the back, or the neck, or the shoulders. This is good. Remember anything you learn in class is meant for you to practice at home.

Also the teacher will have you work on transitioning from one pose to the next. If she or he does that with an economy of words, so there is a calm pervading the whole class, that is good.

Look carefully at how serious the other students are. How focused. This is also important. Study where students are serious about studying, not necessarily where students exhibit talent.

The breath is the most important. A good yoga class will teach you several different kinds of breathing exercise, and will strongly emphasize the integration of the breath with each and every pose that you do.

Take classes once or twice a week, and work at least three other days at home, alone, calmly. At least try to!!

Vinyasa, or movement between poses, is good, so long as it is relaxed and not hurried. There should be a ballet like grace about the whole experience. You should go home relaxed and feeling wonderful, not stressed out like after a step-cardio.

Good yoga can be tiring, you can be winded, and you can and will break out in sweat sometimes, but more than anything you should have huge energy after the class, and not be at all injured. Sore sometimes, yes, but never injured.

Find out where your yoga teacher studied. This is only so you know your teacher. He or she may have learned from the Teacher Within.

This means also that relaxation should be used as a technique. Savansana (corpse pose) is essential. The teacher should not rush 'final relaxation'. If relaxation is used several times during the class, even better.

Downward dog, one of the basic poses in teaching hatha yoga, should be very carefully taught, and you should do it a LOT!

Briefly, if it is a good introduction, you will be schooled very carefully in basics. It is a class, and you are meant to try to do the same work at home. In fact the real work is there, at home, doing your own practice, working with the teacher within.

So, study hatha yoga. Study the breath. Practice what you've learned and do it alone. I know this is hard. But try. Remember there is a huge difference between trying a thing with discipline . . . and not trying. Trying starts the learning.

Gaining control over the breath, and learning the power of the breath is key. It the place where our study of tantra diverges from yoga. Paradoxically you need the strength and calm of mind, and focus of breath from yoga, to undertake tantra. . . but they are different courses of study.

Tantra is a craft for learning divine love. It too has many approaches. Chanting, diagrams, mathematics, geometry, rituals, these all are as powerful as working with another person. Chanting, and yantras (diagrams of divine energy) are ritual behaviors that bring us to the realization that divine energy is crystalline . . . pure, and universally symmetrical . . .

Yoga has this recognition built into it also. A well taught yoga class emphasizes the left as much as the right, the up as much as the down. . . the difficult as much as the easy.

Symmetry is divine!

"What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?" William Blake,

Yoga seems like a physical undertaking, but at the core it is not. Also realize that hatha yoga, is only an introduction to yoga. The primary teachings go much further than the physical. Be an open minded student, especially if there are things in the class you differ with, such as chanting in Sanskrit.

Anything that freaks you out is likely to offer the most good for you, especially, if you can do them without judgment.

Note things, don't judge them. You may find some of it very difficult, or daunting. Try. Always listen to the teacher within. Never force your body beyond the warning point of pain, but by the same guidance, be willing to go to that point, or near it. That is where the breath works its miracle.

Your meditation sounds positive, but I have no idea of where you are with your practice or with the breath or with calming the mind. . . or other aspects of what is taught.

Yoga will keep you busy for many many years, your whole life hopefully. Do it sincerely. Do it humbly. Practice at home. At core it is a spiritual undertaking. One of the benefits is much improved health, and happiness.

Go to it.

On Anger

Anger is most often destructive. We are trained to hate our anger, to suppress it. Yet if as Rousseau said, "Humans are essentially good" . . wouldn't anger, as one of the emotions that every human possesses, be essentially good as well?

This is hard to reconcile, especially when in today's world, anger causes so much destruction.

Yet what of a creative anger, a constructive anger? An anger such as the one our supposed teacher Jesus had, when he threw the money lenders from the temple - was that destructive?

Mountains can be angry. Water can be angry, fire, wind, the elements can be angry.

The prairies were angry during the Great Depression, angry at the desecration of the plains.
Hurricane Sandy was angry. Volcanos, hurricanes, all are evidence of nature's wrath.

Anger  may be thought of as being true to one's truth. A negative form of anger may be hiding what you truly think or believe, even if it wounds you to do so.

The wealthy - there's been a lot of talk about the wealthy lately - supposedly are angry about Obama's insistence that they no be given tax cuts during these trying times.

I am angry about a lot of things these days. I'm angry about the victimization of children, about the destruction of native peoples, about wars on foreign shores to give wealth to our defense contractors, about those who have everything continuing their hustle of those who have nothing.

I'm angry about the treatment of the Palestinian people by the Israelis, and about the violent response of Hamas.

Anger, may be used in a creative way. Use your anger to become like a rock. Use your anger to become like water, like fire, or the wind. Use it as the agent of truth that anger is meant to be. Use anger the way Bruce Lee used it.

Don't make it personal. Never direct it at a living thing. But you may direct it at what they DO, to expose what is false. Without hesitation, or remorse.

Anger that is used in this way, feels good for everyone. To quote a judo-master in an early Kurosawa work, "When you threw me - it felt wonderful."

A dam bursts - the water rejoices!

Yoga is the release of Anger.