Blog Title Photo

Blog Title Photo

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I meet the Producer in a Bar

"Pull up a seat. Get this man a drink"

"Waiter, make that a coffee, I want to be sober when moneybags here tells me what he's got."

"Get him the bourbon, a double. He'll need it."

"Jesus you are serious. Tell me."

"I need to see you with that drink in your hand first."

"Fine, fine. One day before shooting you pull a stunt like this. I was sleeping. I've got a four-thirty call."

"No you don't. Not any more."

"What the hell's happened? Didn't you get the advance from Tripod?"

"Oh we got it. . . and it's going back. All two mill. The show's not happening. You're going home tomorrow. We've already bought your ticket. Unless you want to pay for it yourself."

"WhaT THE F . . ?"

"Exactly. Now let me see if you can guess why this show's not going to happen."

"Marcy quit."

"Wrong. She's here. In her hotel sleeping, like you a moment ago. As soon as you walk out, I'm waking her up too."

"The state legislature revoked our permit?"

"Wrong again. In fact they gave us a financial incentive to shoot all the scenes here. They love us. But we can't use it."

"So are you going to tell me or what?"

"Sure thing. Crag quit, won't play the part. Says he looks too good. We've lost our villain."

"Find a new one."

"Can't. Villains are harder to find than heroes. You get the money, but they determine what gets shot and when. Without a baddie YOU are nothing more than this miserable napkin. Hell I have a hundred replacements for you, but none for Crag. Now beat it, and don't make me drink more than I have to."

"You know there's a cancellation fee for me. My agent will be in touch."

"We know we know. You good guys are always cheap. But the show depends on having someone who is BAD . . not on having someone who is GOOD. If you want to go where the future is I'd invest in a transplant of some bad skin, or a hat that looks foreign, or a nasty accent. Now beat it."

Search This Blog